Even in this small town, that's not a very good idea, what with all the strange people living in town, the local prison in the heart of the city, and the fact that I'm sitting on her windowsill right now. To my right, the stereo plays softly, a song that used to be something special to me. That was a long time ago, though. Now it's just another song. At least I tell myself so.

Music helps her get to sleep, much like it does for me. It helps relax her, to forget the events of the day. But too many times it hasn't been enough. Many a night has passed where she's cried herself to sleep.

No tear stains demarcate her face tonight, though. Looks like she got to sleep just fine. Mind, body, and soul at ease. Sadly, that's not the case over where I'm sitting. But that doesn't matter, for her, everything's all right, everything is at peace. She's all right.

-You are beautiful, you know,- I tell her silently. -You say you aren't, but you are.-

Her soft red hair rests on the pillow around her head, her eyes closed, her full lips slightly parted. She has the sheet pulled up to just below her chest, which rises and falls as she breathes, a basic white T-shirt, rising and falling with it. I can tell she's wearing a pair of shorts, from the folds of the fabric on the smooth sheet laying on top of her thin, perfectly shaped body, and I can only imagine what her long, smooth legs look like, stretched out underneath the covers as she lies on the mattress.

Agh, I need to stop, else I'll never leave.

I get up from the windowsill and cross over to her, being cautious not to stir anything lying haphazardly on the ground. Kneeling down, I reach up to her and carefully take her hand in mine. Subconsciously, her fingers intertwine with mine. I look away for a moment, touched.

-The best things come in small packages, eh, little one?- I say to her without speaking. -You always loved holding hands, no matter where we were. Sometimes that's all we had to do, or even wanted to do.- I pause for a second, trying to remember where I was before.

-You know I can't stay. It's not right for either one of us, me to keep dragging it out, you to have to deal with all my problems and shortcomings. I can deal with whatever you throw at me, you know that, but you shouldn't have to deal with all my problems, girl.-

She turned slightly towards me, a contented sigh escaping her throat. Her hand was still in mine. I looked at her for a long moment, smiling despite myself. -And you really are beautiful. I don't know why you claim otherwise, babe. Every day I held you, I wondered why I was so lucky, to have someone like you. There was no better feeling than your arms wrapped around my body, your head even with my neck as we laid there on the couch, when I could feel your heart beat against my stomach. I could've fallen asleep there and slept beside you all night.-

She smiled sleepily.

-Trust me, you'll easily find someone else. With a body like that and your smile and personality, you will find someone else who can do things for you that I never could. He'll be good-looking, and romantic, and suave, and everything you want and need. Someone else will hold you, will kiss you, will caress you, ...he'll do everything I did.-

Her smile stayed sleepily vibrant, and I lowered my eyes, smiling at her naivety.

-You said once to let you fly. You wanted to fly.- I reached down into my pocket. -Who am I to keep someone from what they want?-

I slowly lowered my closed hand to the nightstand beside the bed where her sleeping frame lay, and then drew it away open, leaving a small golden ring on the table. In the center, a small heart stood out, filled with a dual-colored stone. One side was a shined, polished, brilliant garnet, the other side a sleek aquamarine. -Birthstones are pretty typical, but in this case, I think they're sufficient.-

I leaned over to her again, and placed my right hand on the far side of her bed. Carefully, I leaned down and let our lips touch together one last time, a short, delicate kiss. Then I leaned up and kissed her forehead gently. -The first time I kissed you was on your forehead, it's the last time as well now.-

Controlling the emotion welling up inside of me, I backed away, watching her for any signs of awakening. When I got back to the windowsill, I opened my mouth to say something, my lips still lingering with her taste, my tongue starting to go dry. I took a deep breath, let it out, and then whispered it.

"I love you."

-One last time, I said it,- I silently spoke. With that, I crouched in the windowsill and prepared to leave.

As I slipped out of the window, I could sense her stirring slightly, but not much at all. Then the words of the inscription on the ring fell back into my mind.

I love you, angel. Just please never forget that.

-You were the first one I ever said "I love you" to, girl,- I said to myself as I walked away. -But every bird has to fly sometime. I set you free. Fly away, little one. Fly.-

Underneath the light of the silver moon, I walked away.
 
 

-Matt "Smoot" Bowyer
May 6, 1999

I love you, and miss you. Hope you're happy where you are, babe. Goodbye.