when i was young i knew everything

He always walked the halls of high school with a determined look on his face, they always knew, his trench coat on his shoulders, lapping at his ankles as he went, his jaw set, his eyes watching those he passed.

and she a punk who rarely ever took advice

He would sit in French class, and playfully maneuver her desk around the room, much to her jovial anger. She never meant it when she said "stop". She didn't mind his flirting.

now i'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor

He always had that kind word to say, that encouraging squeeze of the shoulder of just a playful jab in the arm with those words that no one ever believed but everyone wanted to hear, "Don't worry, it'll be all right", with that reassuring smile on his face.

stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice

He was naive, to be sure, but no one really minded. His jokes were lame and pitiful, but somehow, they would laugh, whether it was just out of care for his feelings, or just felt like the thing to do.

i can't be held responsible

He had once said that all he ever wanted to do was to make people happy, to make them laugh, to brighten their day in some small way. When someone cracked a smile, he felt validated.

'cause she was touching her face

She was broken up over past loves and likes, and he was there to help, being the supportive friend he convinced himself he was.

i won't be held responsible

They would sit on the phone way into the night, he just cracking those jokes and offering meaningless words of reassurance and care, she just taking those few moments to cry out a small portion more of her pain.

she fell in love in the first place

He knew he was falling for her, but pushed it aside, trying just to be there for her when she needed it, when no one else was. It was appreciated, and it was something he would've done for anyone

for the life of me i cannot remember

They sat together across the lunch table, joking with the other two guys about past times and old memories, and her crushes, but he never divulged anything about himself to speak of.

what made us think that we were wise

The back of the bus on that one Saturday stood out in her mind, and she ran to him for comfort, comfort which he gladly gave, not caring what it might have made him look like.

and we'd never compromise

He just knew she needed him, that was all that mattered.

 for the life of me i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

She knew she needed him, but not that he would soon need her.

we were merely freshmen

The weeks went on, and her thoughts were turning towards him more and more, using him as a crutch when someone else would ask her out, someone that she would find unworthy of her affection.

my best friend took a week's vacation to forget her

In a panic, she told one of her friends, incidentally one of his, that she liked him, not really meaning it, and made him promise not to breathe a word of it to anyone.

his girl took a week's worth of valium and slept

She called him that night and told him of that plan, and he said that it was fine, if it helped her, and made some meaningless joke about it, one that neither one of them could recall if asked to.

now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor

But when she got to thinking about it, she realized that she had lied, not to the friend, but to him, and that her feelings were more than she had realized.

thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says

The feelings were brought to the open before too long. His other good friend was the perceptive type, he picked up on the nuances of her behavior quickly enough.

i can't be held responsible

He didn't know what to think, honestly.

'cause she was touching her face

His self-image was so low that it would have taken a backhoe to dig it out. The thought of someone liking him was almost unfathomable.

i won't be held responsible

He and his friend discussed it for long sessions daily, wondering what the best move was.

she fell in love in the first place

His feelings weren't hard to figure out.

for the life of me i cannot remember

He called her up one day, and they discussed the possibilities of dating, of going out, and what would be the best choice in relation to them both, and whether or not she was ready.

what made us think that we were wise

She wasn't sure, but she knew she wanted to ask him out. He knew it too. He wanted her to ask him out, and told her as much. Jokingly, she whined that she couldn't do it.

and we'd never compromise

He cajoled her into it, sooner or later, and then wholeheartedly said yes. And then, in the words of his friends, 'he thought too much'. He became unsure of the right decision, and whether it was the one he made.

for the life of me i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

The next day, he wrote her a note on a beat up piece of notebook paper, telling her that he wasn't sure if he was the right thing for sure, whether he was what she needed.

we were merely freshmen

She didn't approve in the least, and the seas were tumultuous, but in the end, their feelings ended up winning out, thanks largely in part to two of their close friends.

we've tried to wash our hands of all the mess

The movie was a kid's one, but they held hands throughout it, his other arm around her shoulders as she leaned up against him, laughing loudly at the funnier bits.

we never talk of our lacking relationships

Much to her friends' chagrin, he passed up the opportunity to kiss her; he was too scared.

and how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor

The next night the two of them were together for one of her family's outings, and they sat as she ate, watching a movie that she heckled, but he and her brother and uncle enjoyed.

we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say

After she was proven to be the killer twice during games of Clue, they retired to the living room, where the lighting was dim, helping a sleepy mood.

i can't be held responsible

The hour was well past the bewitching, and she commented on how she had never been on a date for this long into the night.

'cause she was touching her face

She said something on how his heart was racing as she lay on top of him, his arms around her back, her hand resting on his chest, and despite the fact that she knew why, she went ahead and relaxed with him.

and i won't be held responsible

In retrospect, he knew the car wasn't the best place to kiss her, but the moment was there. She didn't mind it as much as she made herself believe she did.

she fell in love in the first place

He was sure he was finally going to be happy.

for the life of me i cannot remember

He spent that Tuesday with her, just her and her younger siblings, her mom was out for the day.

what made us think that we were wise

His anger took control of him when her youngest brother hit her and then him.

and we'd never compromise

The echo of the curtain rod slamming into the door played in everyone's heads, the acoustics of the living room playing tricks with it.

for the life of me i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

It shocked her. Maybe scared her was a better way to describe it.

we were merely freshmen

She played with his short, tousled hair lightly as he buried his face in his hands, apologizing for something that he had never meant or intended to do, her mind racing with the fear it awakened in her.

for the life of me i cannot remember

Her soft embrace told him that everything would end up okay, that she forgave him.

what made us think that we were wise

Her wonderment at his temper told her things that she didn't want to hear, and she knew he wouldn't want to hear it either. But she didn't think of all that then.

and we'd never compromise

He looked down into her face as she slept in his lap, the hour approaching midnight, the flickerings of a television set the only light in the room.

for the life of me i cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins

The words fortunately didn't come to his dry mouth, and even if they had, they would've fallen upon deaf ears. A light kiss on her forehead that would not stir her was the only communication he chose. It was all that was needed.

we were merely freshmen

His emotions were ripped asunder the next day, her doubts coming to haunt him and her alike. Unable to deal, he sunk into himself, not letting anyone help him out of his silent brooding. The knife near him was speaking to him in vivid colors as well as sounds, a call he wasn't sure if he could resist.

we were merely freshmen

The obituary in the paper told everyone of his weakness.

we were only freshmen....
 
 
 
 

-Matt Bowyer

"The Freshmen" by Verve Pipe (C) Sid Flips Music/EMI, written byBrian Vander Ark and used without permission.