Devotion

Even though it hurts you inside
You smile as she walks by
Despite your laughter as you two talk
Inside you want to die

And you know that it will not change
But you still try every day
You don't care if you look desperate
No one's watching anyway

You zone out through your classes
You ignore your teacher's words
The counselor tries to reach you
It's still one long sound blurb

And you don't care about your grades
Whether you get a D or an A
You use your twisted reasoning
It don't matter anyway

Even after a real bad day
You still smile and say you're fine
It never registers with you that
Someone might care what's on your mind

Your friends are worried about you
Still you try and push them away
Your lack of self-respect then tells you
It's not like they care anyway

You realize as you and she talk
That your past you're doomed to repeat
Any resistance that you put up
Is ultimately doomed to defeat

I stand as I reach my breaking point
And I start to call out your name
But then, reluctantly, I admit that
You and I are exactly the same

My shoulders droop as I turn and
Slowly start walking away
There's no point in fighting it all
I'm not listening anyway
 
 

Wrote to the tune of Acoustic #3, by the Goo Goo Dolls. Don't
know where the title came from, theme came from me. Again.

 Doll
 
 

Take a walk like we once did
By the clock tower where we once hid
Knew I sounded stupid then and
Flick a rock at the fence again

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all

Cigarette smoke drifts in my eyes
Marlboro Reds layin' by the side
Firelight illuminates the dance of joy
Somethin' about a boy toy

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all

Guitar riff tearin' out the night
Stiches rippin' out after the fight
Trumpet sound breakin' through the silence
Drumbeat in my head right through the violence

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all

Talkin' rings permeate my dreams
Can't understand what the sweetness means
Waterfall washes through my angst
River scene still makes me think

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all

Question asked 'bout what is real
Cold hands when the burn don't heal
Headlights looked like the feds had come
Nothin' makes sense -- nothin' is done

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all

With the blood I shed it's so lonely and all
With the tears I shed it's so lonely and all
So lonely and all....
 

More hidden references than you could shake a stick at.
Came from one too many times lsitening to "Scar Tissue".
That, and things in life that bring angst.
 

Can You Hear Me?

Oh, look at you
Hiding in your corner where you think the darkness
Cannot get to you
Do you think that
I can't see you there with your head buried in
Your own embrace
I tried to help you, yeah,
I tried to save you from yourself by offering me instead
I guess that wasn't right
I said I'd be your shoulder
I'd stay with you as long as you needed me to be there
Think I stayed too long
You said that it was my fault
I was the one who destroyed us, not you, oh no
You were not to blame
I became your scapegoat
I became the one you attacked so you could feel
A little better about yourself
You say you can't be near me
I put you off your game, so to speak, and I've hurt you
Don't know how, don't know why
Guess I'm calling to you
I just want to help you help yourself, I think you need it
Need someone to not hate you
Your light is fading
With each passing moment that you try and strike me down
I don't want that, not anymore
No, I can't forgive you
Can't forgive you for the things you did to me and these things
Will always stay with me
But I can try and help you
If you can try and see that I'm not as bad as you perceive
If I was, would I be doing this?
 

This one's to my ex, who attempted to crucify me for all I had
supposedly done. I don't hold a grudge (well, for too long), so here
she is.
 
 

Resignation

Standing here
As darkness takes the place
Of the light that once
Shone upon my face
Moon hanging up above me
Starlight raining down
Something's newly lost
That I never found
I still have my hopes
Though they've dashed upon the shore
I still dream the dreams
They don't soothe me anymore
I still have desire
It just sucks away my soul
I still have memories
But those fade as they get old
I may never have her
That I understand
But I still will always pray
That I can get back who I am.
 

This is the short one... I wrote it to release an emotion and then dropped 
it into a contest... it's still in the running for first place, and we're
into the semi-final round now. It's being published, the only thing I've ever
actually accomplished.
 

Untitled

The sun comes up on me standing at the front door
Another day just like the one that was before
But now it seems that my sanity's on trial
Can I be shoved forward for that extra mile
It may be up and down and it doesn't always come out right
But that's just life

People chew me up and spit me out without a thought
Down for the ten-count despite how hard I fought
I tried to be a good friend but some things just don't work out
But it's in the past, it's dead and gone, forget about
I hide inside myself and yes, I know that isn't right
But it's how I live my life

The images play themselves over in my mind
A conversation makes the picture nearly sublime
Words that had no meaning until I saw the sight
Of you and him, walking side by side
My back thrust against the wall, the sun's fading light
Pulled back away from my life

Pity can do nothing for one as far gone as I
Survivors keep going, others are left to die
I can only hope that you can be
Somehow, some way, somewhere, just be happy
Sometimes it seems the hello's often drowned out with good-bye
I hope you can lead a better life
 

I don't really like this one. Tune of "Time  Of Your Life", by
Green Day, written about something I went after when I really shouldn't have.