Ghost In The Strand
 

IRC tends to bring out the crazy homicidal psychopath in the best of us. My online name's either `Smoot or `Locke.

* Phrykyh hrmphs. "And if I was a female, thank you very much, I would be a -woman-. Not a "chick."
<araignee`> Phrykyh: Not a womyn?
<Rapunzel452> *snickers*
<Rapunzel452> Fight the good fight, Phry. ;)
<Phrykyh> Not a womyn. And certainly not a grrl. Thank you.
<Phrykyh> Rapunzel: Right on, sister.

<Phrykyh> Rave folks, huh? They're slowly taking over the Photon Lights message board that I frequent.
<Yonalove> muahahahaha. . .one day we will take over the WORLD!  With Peace, Love, Unity, Respect, and electronic music!
* Phrykyh shrugs. Could be worse.
<Yonalove> and neon lights.
<Yonalove> and glowing things.  and toys!  Lots of TOYS!  YES!
* Phrykyh smiles and nods. "It's okay, Yona. Relax. Everything'll be fine."

<QuilleCougrr> My nick is pronounced "Keel."
<Phrykyh> And mine is pronounced "Your Highness."
<`Locke> Phry: You do realize I'm imagining you as the Queen of England and very nearly rolling on the floor, right?
<Phrykyh> Locke: Just don't knock off my crown, sirrah. 

<Phrykyh> "He started to step up onto the first step of his porch stairs and almost put his foot down."
<Phrykyh> Phrykyh's Seventh Rule Of Writing: Don't do crap like that.

<`Locke> Bloody cold up here.
<Phrykyh> Seriously? I wouldn't know. I haven't gone outside.
<Phrykyh> Hold on. Let me check the weather online. Easier than opening the window.

<Phrykyh> WHY, oh WHY, do I keep typoing "college student" as "college stupid"?

* Silence- tortures something small and fluffy and cute with a cordless drill.
<Phrykyh> Hey. What'd I do to you?
* `Locke snorts. You? Small and fluffy and cute?
<Phrykyh> Locke: I bloody well am, thank you very much.
<`Locke> Yeah. Bunny in a trenchcoat.
<Phrykyh> Except for the... all right, well... all right, fine, shut up already.

* M-Nute liked his thought for a "reality-based" TV show. "Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, 30 minutes weekly of 'Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus'."
<`Locke> Nute: Hey, I'd watch it.
* Indiana_J nearly spits out her drink and gigglefits
<Lynxa> <snicker>
<Phrykyh> Dude, I'd buy a TV so I could watch it. 
* `Locke grins.
<Foenix> I'd finance that show...
<M-Nute> "We track that cro-magnon redneck bastard all over the country, then in the season finale, we turn the dogs on him, grab him by that p**** little ponytail, stick that shotgun in his mouth like a big black c*** of death, and *BLAM!*... Tune in next season for 'Let's Hunt and Kill Michael Bolton'."

<`Locke> I don't want to bag groceries for the next eight months.
<Phrykyh> Things could be a _lot_ worse, dude.
<`Locke> Oh, I know.
<Phrykyh> Seriously. If you don't want to hear it, tell me to shut up, but... it's a clean, _easy_, mindless job. That's an ideal writing job. 
<`Locke> Good point.
<Phrykyh> Takes no effort at all, leaves you -lots- of time for thought.
<Phrykyh> Hmm -- boring and doesn't require any thought. It's just like college, except you're getting paid.

<Phrykyh> Questing is probably like a third or a fourth done?
<`Locke> I sure as hades hope so.
<Phrykyh> It was like seventeen thousand words?
<`Locke> About that, yeah.
<Phrykyh> Robert Jordan is going to come and kill you. So he doesn't have any competition.
<Phrykyh> Although I guess all you'd have to do is start spouting concise sentences and he'd get all confused and wander aimlessly away.

Kevin: The motto of our generation should be: "If you can't cut it, blame it on mom and dad."

<`Falstaff> Smoooooooooooooooooooot.
<`Falstaff> It's just fun saying 'Smoot.'
<`Falstaff> Besides, 'Locke' makes me think of British politicians.

* Phrykyh swigs some more caffeine. Wake _up_, you lazy slacker bum.
<Indiana_J> Caffeine gooood.
<`Locke> That's what I'm missing.
<Phrykyh> Being a lazy slacker bum? Or coffee?
<`Locke> Caffeine. 
<Phrykyh> Ah. Here's an idea: go get some?
<`Locke> That's the plan, as soon as you shut up and stop distracting me. <grin> Back in two.
<M-Nute> Mmm, Dr. Pepper. BRB
<Phrykyh> Ha! I got both of them.
<Indiana_J> Oooo...I've got Dr. Pepper in the fridge...*scurries*
<Phrykyh> And then there were three. C'mon, Alec, you know you want to...

* M-Nute laughs! "Does anyone else think Windows XP sounds like something you should get for killing Bill Gates?"

<Phrykyh> I'm planniong on starting one as soon as I get my computer back.
<`Locke> When is that, do you think?
<Phrykyh> At best, end of the week. At worst, the end of week after next.
<`Locke> <nod> Cool.
<Phrykyh> If it's any longer I'm driving to California and I'm going to make creative use of a baseball bat and a couple of those blow-up kiddy pools.

<Phrykyh> Is [Mary Baldwin College] better than Radford?
<`Locke> It's less drunk, it's smaller, and it's free.
<Phrykyh> Good, good, and.. that's good, right?
<`Locke> Think about that.
<`Locke> I'd pay for books, and that's all.
<Phrykyh> In my old age I have apparently become less adept at expressing sarcasm.
* `Locke grins.
<`Locke> It's regularly around 24 thou.
<`Locke> I think.
<Phrykyh> A year?
<`Locke> I believe so.
<`Locke> It's ridiculous.
<Phrykyh> Yeah, about that. Good heavens.
<Phrykyh> Like 22, 23. Washington is like that.
<`Locke> I could be wrong, though. However, I'm not going to check, because I don't -have- to.
<`Locke> Since I could go there -free-.
<Phrykyh> Dude.
<`Locke> I will finish gloating when someone reminds me how horrible this town is.
<Phrykyh> "1st, Orange, 3rd, 5th."
* `Locke grins. Thank you.
<Phrykyh> It's almost worth driving down there just so I could laugh at that. 
<`Locke> It's pretty funny. So's the fact that we live two minutes away from Verona, Virginia, and that we have a "sister city" in Rumania. Whoop-dee.
<Phrykyh> I like that. What the heck is in Rumania?
<`Locke> Staunton's sister city, apparently. Maybe they have our 2nd Street.

<Mike_Smith> Paul: The one thing WCW doesn't do half-assed is crap. 

<AlecWire> hetros: Give me back my brain.
* hetros hands it to Wire, um, its kinda dirty..;)
<AlecWire> het: I know. I like tit that way.
* AlecWire facepalms....
<hetros> Wire: Your Freudian slip is showing.

<Phyrkyh> I've given up on people being decent, simply because I've found that my decent and their decent are constantly two different things. So if I care, I get upset. 
<Phyrkyh> It's easier not to care. I'm an American; I'm good at that.

<CurlyJo> I didn't say [pro wrestling was a] soap for guys. Billy Gunn *swoon*
<`Locke> Billy Gunn? The One Billy Gunn? The One Gayest Wrestler In The World?
<Jim_Smith> Locke: But, but, he's *The One*!  The ONE!  Uh, the one *something*...
<Jim_Smith> Locke: I must note, though, that Billy ditched the lips on his tights, so he is now demoted from Gayest Wrestler in the World.  That honor now falls to...hmmm...I'm gonna say Kwee-Wee.
<`Alan> Jim: Okay, um, I usually stay out of wrestling conversations, but . . . "Kwee-Wee?"
<`Locke> Kwee-Wee. 
<Jim_Smith> Alan: WCW decided to make their own version of Saturday Night Live's "Mango".
<`Alan> Jim: Oh.  Well, good for them?
<Jim_Smith> Alan: Not really, no.

<`Locke> I need a car, and a way to move my mp3s out to it, and a LOT of gas. I think I've gotten them to agree to a few systems of money management so I could get one.
<`Locke> They equal whatever I put down for one, which is a huge break on my part. I'm also going to shoot for them paying my insurance if I promise to take care of all other car expenses, like gas, and motor oil, and repairs after I smack in into a phone booth.
<Phrykyh> I know a good autobody/paint shop...
<Phrykyh> It's called "DON'T SMACK YOUR BLOODY CAR INTO A PHONE BOOTH INC.'

<Phrykyh> Just so you're up to date: most likely situation is going to Shepherd next semester and transferring next year.
<`Locke> Cool. Thanks. Any idea where?
<Phrykyh> Anywhere that isn't in West Virginia, the France of the East Coast.

<Mike_Smith> Jim: You know, it occurs to me, that instead of forcing pro wreslters into the X-Men movie, why don't they just start out slow, and put Jerry Lawler in Dragon Ball Z.  He'd fit right in.
<Jim_Smith> Mike: Lawler doesn't need two days to execute a piledriver.

RedShoes60: What's your major, again?
`Locke: Survival.

<`Locke> Just because I wear a trenchcoat and listen to NIN and write disturbing stories doesn't mean I can't have my joyous side.
<Nova_Zion> Ahhh.  The same rationale I use when explaining I like Backstreet Boys and NSync...being one thing doesn't limit you to being something else.
* `Locke nods. And my goal is to be everything in the world there is and more.
<`Locke> And to get a kitten.

RedShoes60: Dang.  How much older am I than everyone else?
`Locke: Rather. I don't turn 19 'til March. But I'm older than Phrykyh.
RedShoes60: Right.  I'm 20 already.  As of Thanksgiving.
RedShoes60: Wow.
`Locke: Yep.
RedShoes60: I'm ancient.
`Locke: nah.
RedShoes60: I'm practically decomposingl
`Locke: <grin>
RedShoes60: See?  I can't even type. i'm losing fingerajkl.....
`Locke: Can I have your PS2?
RedShoes60: No.
`Locke: Damn.
RedShoes60: Look at that!  Spontaneous regeneration!
RedShoes60: Plus, I always could've operated the DVD player with my nose.

RedShoes60: My suitemate was telling me about how certain religious groups don't think that Christ would want us to celebrate his birthday even if we knew the exact date.
RedShoes60: I said to heck with that, let's throw Christ a HUGE party.
RedShoes60: I'm starting a campaign.  "Keggers for Christ."  I've got a feeling there's a groundswell of supporters just waiting to be (wait for the neat double entendre) "tapped."

<Phrykyh> I'm serious, man, someone must have put some stupid into my soup this morning.
<`Locke> Stupid in the soup?

<Phrykyh> Wheelwright: Dude, you in a sorority is going to be like me at college.
<Wheelwright> Fraternity, please.  Fraternity.
<Phrykyh> Sorry.
<Phrykyh> How can I concentrate on small details like that? I'm demolishing gods over here.

<Phrykyh> Oh, I'm not anymore. I'm starting to rely on people hearing me called Mark and James and Cory and whatever else. It's easier than keeping secrets.
* Wheelwright mutters something about five long years.
<`Locke> See, I can't even imagine you as a Cory.
<Wheelwright> Nope.  Mark I can.  I was there.
<Phrykyh> Neither can I. But I couldn't resist the reference.
<`Locke> Reference?
<Phrykyh> Cory Richards. Inversion of Richard Cory. 
<Wheelwright> Oh, yeah.  Richard Cory. Riiiiight.
<`Locke> See, I should know who that is.
<Phrykyh> You should. There's a poem written about him.
<Phrykyh> I've always had a thing for the King Of Hearts. The playing card and the idea. This is an extention of that.
<Wheelwright> I've always had a thing for Claudia Schiffer, but I didn't name myself after David Copperfield.

* `Smoot looks at the shadow. "I'm a darkness-wearing pseudo-psychopath 
too, plus the most cynical person in the world. You have little power over me.
<`Smoot> At least the shadow. I'm pretty sure Laersyn could kick my ass.

-IRC action in #subcafe

<Laersyn> Smoot: it won't harm you. It *likes* you.
* `Smoot looks at Laersyn oddly. They said the same thing about 
Cujo, didn't they?
<Laersyn> sm: (innocent look)

-more of the same

<Phrykyh> Hey, speakinowich, when's the last time your page was updated?
<`Smoot> A week ago. With a new main page. Saying that it was all gone and being remodeled. Which it is. Because when I come back, I come back in a flourish.
<Phrykyh> Okay. Yeah. Waiting on the flourish.
<`Smoot> So am I, for that matter...

<`Smoot> I also plan on ending that lie that is me claiming to run a fanfiction archive. It'll be a blatant My-Page from here on, with the added bonus of stories I like on it.
<Phrykyh> Good. See, I like that. You could retitle it 'Smoot's Blatant Self-Worship Page with other stuff,' or something like that but with less suck.
* `Smoot grins. I think it'll keep the LoN moniker, because I like typing LoN.
<Phrykyh> Really? Cool enough. I kinda like typing 'moniker', myself.
<`Smoot> You and me both, brother.

<Phrykyh> Smoot: Sure. Might as well keep the joke running as long as you can. When it's like thirty, you might want to quit.
<`Smoot> Believe me, if we hit double figures, I'm checking the sky outside to see it it's red and if it's raining fish.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Speaking of signs of the apocalypse, do you know when you're putting that new chapter up? And can I start bugging you about writing the next one yet?

<`Smoot> Practice makes perfect, or at least enemies.

* atlanticarose sighs and smiles. "I keep getting disconnected, and I'm not sure why."
*** RobinD has quit IRC (Write Error: Connection reset by peer)
<Phrykyh> Atlantica: Same thing that just happened to whatshername over there. Or maybe the weather.
* atlanticarose nods. "Could be."
<`Smoot> Or the devil. Can't forget him.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Satan, Peer. Pot, kettle.

<`Smoot> I got stuck in [a revolving door] for a moment in Baltimore.
* Phrykyh coughs. I'm sorry I missed that.
<`Smoot> I'm glad you missed it. Those things are a lot more confusing that I thought they'd be.
* Phrykyh nods. Revolving doors. Mm-hmm.
<`Smoot> Yes, it's true, it's true. I'm a moron. I don't need verification on this.
<Phrykyh> Somehow I'm not seeing the potential for complexity there. They're doors. They revolve. Anything I'm missing?
<`Smoot> They're automated. They don't stop for me to get out. It was a hundred degrees. I'm claiming sunstroke. Try and stop me.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Don't they have that whole part where there isn't a wall, so you can get out? Or are we thinking different doors?
<`Smoot> I'm thinking of those Satan-sent doors that you push on the right side and it revolves around, the other one smacking you in the heel if you're not walking JUST right.
<Phrykyh> Oh! Those. Yeah. Just go through a window or something next time. 

<Phrykyh> And since when do you use the word "blokes"? 
<`Smoot> Twelve seconds and counting.

* Phrykyh tries to think of Jewish words he can spell besides Oy. Which doesn't even work anymore because the Brits came and stole it.
<`Smoot> Oh shut up. We didn't steal anything. Just like the entire Revolutionary War. All a plan.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Oh, yeah. The British Empire will rise again, right?
<`Smoot> Sure it will. Although we'll be fighting with wit and sarcasm, 'cause Mama Queen doesn't let us play with guns anymore.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Wit and sarcasm? Feh. You'd all lose to anyone. Well, anyone except the French, really.
<`Smoot> Please. France is the world's armpit.

<Phrykyh> Smoot: Think Gilligan and a lot of black dye. Phry used to be quite the fashionably ignorant.
* atlanticarose grins. "Oh, it's a fun hat, though."
* `Smoot has possibly the most entertaining mental image he's had in the past week.
<Phrykyh> Smoot: Glad to be of service. 

<araignee`> Phrykyh: You've never SEEN mocking, my little East-Coast friend.  :)
<`Smoot> I dunno, I was mocking...
<TangleToy> *g*
* atlanticarose grins. "Oh, he's seen mocking." Phry: "Friendly mocking, of course..."
* Phrykyh nods. Smoot was mocking. See, us East Coast folks, we're on the same wavelength. I don't know about you midwest people.
<`Smoot> Yeah, with your ability to see into the next state... what's up with that? That's creepy.
* Phrykyh nods at Smoot. I have issues where you look over your shoulder and see Houston, even though you're forty-eight miles away. That's just not natural.

<`Smoot> Thank you. I shall also talk to you the next time I see you, hopefully with sentences that aren't utterly useless as that one.
* Phrykyh stomps on his editorial tendencies and nods at Smoot.
<`Smoot> Stick another "as" in there.
<Phrykyh> There you go. Good job. I'm proud of you.
<`Smoot> Oh, shove it.
* Phrykyh nods. Shoving.

<Crantz> Hey, Doqz: Would have any ideas on how to increase the usage of this particular channel?
<Doqz> Monkeys. And free beer.
<Crantz> How do you give people monkies and free beer?
<Doqz> Separately.

* `Smoot grins, and blinks. Ain't?
<Phrykyh> Yeah. I'm trying to sound less intimidating by adding folksy words to my speech. Like "folksy" and "ain't."
<`Smoot> I find "goshdarn" and "goldurn" assist in that.
* atlanticarose grins. "Less intimidating? Mmm, there might be a better way to describe it." (Just teasing :)
* Phrykyh blinks and pouts. I'm intimidating. Really.
* `Smoot snickers in that juvenile way behind his hand.
<`Smoot> And the mental image of you pouting is enough to have me rolling on the floor, but bad back, you know.

<Phrykyh> Phrykyh's Rule of Grammar Number Three: To improve your story, take out "very" and "extremely" and anything else you use to emphasize an adjective, and replace them with "so the heck".

<`Smoot> You know, I suddenly have an incredible urge to call you Sphinctre. I'm really sorry about it.
<Phyrkyh> Smoot: Let's not do that.

<`Smoot> Well, according to the Weather Channel, which has that fancy Doppler Radar and therefore knows everything, the East Coast got nailed with some heavy rains this afternoon. Got me out of work.
* atlanticarose ohhhhs! "Goodness. Where was I?"
<Phrykyh> Smoot: See, this isn't any good. It always misses Maryland. We're like the State Of Nothing.
<`Smoot> That's not true. You do have an aquarium somewhere. I went to it.
<Phrykyh> Great. We have fish.

<Phrykyh> Nova: Hey, I don't have any clue what's in Canada. Except that you have half of Niagra Falls, and this really cool place for breakfast.
* atlanticarose grins.
* `Smoot grins. And really hot waitresses at a restaurant in Toronto, I sure wish I could remember the name of it.
* Nova_Zion sighs. Boys.
* atlanticarose sighs, too.
<`Smoot> Hey, I'm the only one speaking like that right now. Don't condemn everyone else for my frickin' chromosome.
* Phrykyh blinks. Hey.
<Phrykyh> Thank you, Smoot.
* atlanticarose grins.
<Nova_Zion> Okay then. *sigh* Smoot.
<Nova_Zion> Happy?
<Phrykyh> Actually, yeah. 

<`Smoot> Phry, there's a thin, thin line between sanity and insanity. When it comes to writing, I think it's safe to say you erased it and moved it far away from yourself.

*** Phrykyh is now known as atlanticarose
* atlanticarose giggles.
*** atlanticarose is now known as Phrykyh
<`Smoot> Now THIS is going to get confusing.
<Farli> *giggle*
* Phrykyh nods. Probably. Good thing we're both so quiet, neh?
<`Smoot> Yeah. If you were, well, people that talked a lot, we'd be in trouble.
<Phrykyh> Probably. Or we'd need another computer.
<Phrykyh> Good thing I'm the God of the Keyboard, right?
* `Smoot blinks. Three times.
<Phrykyh> Farli: Do you have any idea what we're talking about?
<Farli> Nope. :)
<Phrykyh> Farli: Rose is my girlfriend, and a newly frequent chatroom resident. She's currently sitting next to me. 
<Farli> Ahhh... *waves to Rose* Welcome! :)
*** Phrykyh is now known as atlanticarose
* atlanticarose waves back. "Hi! Nice to meet you!"
<`Smoot> Whereas I'm just trying to figure out how the Hades Phry's the God of the Keyboard. Where's your church of followers, guy?
*** atlanticarose is now known as Phrykyh
<Phrykyh> Smoot: It's a church of one. And, seeing as I am that one, I declared myself god. 
<Phrykyh> Luckily it doesn't conflict with my whole Christianity thing.
<`Smoot> That's bloody convenient.
<Phrykyh> Absolutely. What, am I going to declare someone -else- god?
* Farli is a worshipper of the Kielle and Rossi deities, so she really isn't allowed to worship Phry too. ;)
<Phrykyh> Indigo, maybe, but she's female, so she'd have to be goddess.
* `Smoot worships, well, Phry knows. Rose knows the gist of it. And I am NOT going to incriminate myself further. My church is already laughed at enough by the real ones. Bloody Seventh-Day Adventists...
* Phrykyh nods. Phry knows all, says little.

<`Smoot> So I look like a drugged Jesus, a cross between Trent Reznor and Kurt Cobain, a darker-haired Kid Rock, and the guy from Rage.
<`Smoot> Go me.

* Phrykyh plays with computers. This is so cool.
<Phrykyh> Shut up, Phry. Ignore me.
* `Smoot grins. See? When you get one that has RAM to, well, do something other than turn on, they get enjoyable.
* Phrykyh grins. One of my alt keys doesn't work. Thankfully I have six of them.

<Nova_Zion> Smoot: Spike Lee, some jazz people, a hockey player, Mr. Rogers, and two Nobel prize winners are born on your birthday.
<`Smoot> Spike Lee? Mr. Rogers? "Howdy, neighbors, and welcome to my 'hood."

* Haesslich takes a moment to drag out his huge-ass sword.
<Melodist> Haess:  *gasp*  Put that back in your pants!! 
<Haesslich> Wrong sword, Mel.
<Melodist> Haess:  Well... you know... we could take it...elsewhere if you'd like to show me....  *wink*
* Foenix goes to get the tape ;P
* `Smoot goes to get the camera.
* TangleToy goes to get popcorn
* Rapunzel452 just goes.

<Jim_Smith> Wait...So is Scott in Apocalypse's body, or is Apocalypse in Scott's body?
<M-Nute> Jim: Yes.