These are the quotes by the real people in my life, the Lee kids, the college kids, the Staunton Boyz, and the topless dancers... gah! Kid Rock! Out!

Anyway, this is the stuff right here.

I got a hug from Katy Herr yesterday when I gave her the picture of a cat I drew with the caption "A cat for Katy"

This positive stimuli has affected me in the following way:  The tantalizing promise of more hugs tells me that drawing more cats for Katy would be a profitable investment....

-Evan Cook
 

"I'm here [at college] because everyone told me you have to go to college to be anything in life. I'm here. Someone wave their magic wand and make me successful." 

-Me, 3:27 AM, Monday, Sept. 18

"We used to play this little game in college--"
"Called 'Throwing the Cat Down the Stairs!'"

-my physics teacher Mr. Blackmer/Brian Barbre
 

"Now, let's illustrate these movement problems a little more
thoroughly. Let's say that Mr. Barbre here is sitting in my 
favorite wheeled chair, and I throw this brick at him because 
I don't want him sitting in my favorite wheeled chair. How much time
will it take for the brick to travel to him, how long will the brick be 
contacting Mr. Barbre's skin, what velocity will it hit him at, will the 
brick bounce back towards me, and how far back will Brian's crumpled 
body in the wheeled chair slide back?"

-more physics strangeness
 

> From: Jon VanBreeman <[email protected]>

> Hello all,

>      I just want you all to be afraid very afraid.  I
> am the creature that stalks you in the night,  I am
> the thing that haunts your dreams in the day, I am
> everywhenre and nowhere.  I see all and here all but
> am not clsoe enough to be seen or heard.  I will be
> the ending of you all,  I will be the begining of all
> of your journeys into HELL.
 

 I AM DARKWING DUCK!

Hee.

-Matt Bowyer

-just action on my mailing list

"If you march two Chinese people into the ocean every minute, of every 
hour, of every day, of every week, of every year, for all eternity, at their 
present rate of birth they will never run out of people."

-my Government teacher
 

"China's excuse for staying out of war? They don't have any planes. 
With that many people, you don't need planes. You run up and throw
the bomb at your enemies!"

-my Gov't teacher again.
 

"You seem to suggest killing people a lot, Dan."
"Well, it has a certain finality to it."

-Mrs. Palmer/Dan Evans
 

"Man, First Knight is a joke. I mean, Julia Ormond leaves
Sean Connery for Richard Gere. I mean, come on! Richard Gere?!"

-Billy Ferguson
 

"Man, I want to go to Johns Hopkins University now, if for
no other reason that when I did a search for them on Yahoo, 
I got a link to a Cthulhu cult first."

-Jason Faulkenberry
 

"I'm your mom, how's about that?"
-Trash Talker, aka Billy.
 

*rumble*
Matt: What was that noise?
Eddie: Your computer farted.

-yet another me/Eddie exchange with no point.
 

Well, school starts in about two weeks, I have yet to finish the three 
books that need to be read for AP English, my computer has a case of 
leprosy in which various programs have grown useless and died, 
and real sleep has turned into something that only happens to other 
people. Change my handle, I'm not Spade anymore! I am 
Zombie-Woman; that which prowls the halls searching for that
ever elusive REM cycle and scaring the living daylights out of my 
cats who know perfectly well that any sane human being would be 
passed out in a comfy bed at this hour. But look, I have updates! =D

-Spade

This is what happens to archivists after the pills wear off.
 

Billy: So this icky creature crawls out from the sewer.

Players: No it doesn't we killed them all last week.

Billy: um, er... She who dwells below finally rises.

Players: We took out her followers too, no one has
been chanting for her for weeks...

Billy: Well she's here to find out why they stopped...
 

-Gregor McFarlane, on the Sheol mailing list, suggesting a trick
to play on Billy, the absent Storyteller.
 

"'The Discovery of the Nile'. Wait, how could you miss it?"

-me to Jennifer after looking a book title
 

"My life is flashing before my eyes."
"Man, are you o--"
"Shut up, it's not done."

-Eddie Rollason/Matt "Smoot" Bowyer, after Eddie's head was almost removed
by one of Matt's line drives.
 

"Hey, wouldn't it be great if Germany, the U.S., Britain, and Russia just banded
together to take over the world? And then I would be supreme emperor! And
everyone would say, 'Heil Pikel!'"

-Austrian-born Johannes Pikel's view on politics.
 

"The Hindenburg blew because it was filled with
combustible gas. Had they been using what they
use now, nothing would have happened. And then
everyone died, and everything fell out of the sky. Moving
on..."

-Mr. Moore, my chemistry teacher, sharing some
of his limitless wisdom with us.
 

"You could always be straightforward."
"Hi. I'm gay. I was wondering if you and I could go out."
"Yeah, that'll work."

-Myself and a friend, working on one of his relationships.
 

"Man, I need to sell drugs to make that kind of money [$6000]."
"Gotta coupla buyers for ya..."
"Ahhh crap, my luck I would get caught, put in jail, and butt raped
by a man named Python."

-Travis Foster/me
 

"Smoot. This is Billy Ferguson. Do you read me?"
"Yes, Billy, I read you."
"What is your business? Do you read me well."
"My business? Comin' in loud an' clear, over."
"He's headin' southbound on Ocean Boulevard! Head him off at
Sparkwood and Twenty One!"
"I'm on it, coming up at the turn. What's your position?"
"Did you see 'im?!? He just passed you!"
"Can I help it I don't have his speed? Aren't you on intercept route by now?"
"This old hag with a walker and several poodles won't get out of the street!
IMPAAAAACT!"
"Damage report?!?!?!"
"Much gore...
...several injured...
...many dead...
....might...not...make it...."
"No, just.... the chase.... not important. I'll be right there!! Hold on!!!"
"Vision blurring....
....pulse slow...
..mouth dry...
........uhhhggnnnnn....."
"No! We need an ambulance, right now! All available units, respond!! We
have no time!!"
"MOTHER..........."
"NOOOOOOOO............ speak to me!"
.............(cough!/much blood)......
"Hold on, bud, we're here, we're here.... Oxygen! Now!"
....(rasp).....(eyes roll).....bur-HACK!!.....(more blood).....
"No! Stat!"
{is that a light up ahead}...........{this sure is a weird tunnel}......
"No! I will not let you leave! 3...2...1... CLEAR!!" *ZAP*
{hey that door is closing.  wait! the light of Jesus!}".......where am I?"
"Man, are you okay?"
"Yeah, but I can't feel my legs."

Billy Ferguson/Me, doing a bit of spontaneous role-playing.
 

"How's it goin', Billy?"
"It's goin' fiz-att!"

Me/Billy, again being strange.
 

"Dude, if I punch your other windows, will they crack like that one did?"

-Mark Shue to Johannes
 

"James, just move over here. [Mrs. Miller, the English teacher]
won't care."
"She won't care, but I care!"
"No you don't. You don't care. (holds out hand for paper-rock-
scissors) Mental challenge. I am determined that you will not care."
"I am calmly going to care."
(James wins.)
"Retest on Subterfuge! I am cunningly telling you not to care."
(Tie)
"How many mental traits do you have?"
"In real life or my character?"
"Real life."
"Umm, probably about eight."
"Ha! Twelve. You don't care!"
"Oh man, now I have to stay!"

-Billy Ferguson/James Anderson during English class
 

"Due to energy cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel will
be turned off until further notice."

-pin on my bookbag
 

"Runs with scissors", "Drinks from toilet".
"Uniquely maladjusted but fun to be with"

-other pins on my bookbag
 

"Hey, you know what?" (silence. then, Homer Simpson-esque:)
"S'mores."

-Rob Anderson
 

//On the American Dream\\

"The American dream probably has something to do with being
capitalist and stomping on all the competition and somehow trying
to love your neighbor at the same time."

-Billy Ferguson
 

"The American dream is the white house and the picket fence and
the two-point-three kids..."

-Brandon Santos
 

"Is there someone in this world who is more talented than you? Is there
someone in this world with more class, more style, more panache than you?
Is there someone in this world who has accomplished or quite frankly just
done more than you? Is there someone in this world who is better than you?
I say yes, there is someone in this world who is better than you. I say that
this person is among us today. In fact, I say that this person is in this very
room right now. I say that person is... me."

-my actual opening for an English speech.
 

"Now, maybe you don't understand just how great I really am. Let's take
another great person, let's say, oh, Jesus Christ. He was better than you.
The Bible says that he was God's Son, in essence God himself. God is
obviously better than you. God is better than you, I am better than you --
-- I should be a god!"

-another bit from my speech
 

"For the visually impaired: a sign."

-Andrew Robertson upon seeing a dead-end sign for a driveway.
 

"Wait. Trunks is Vegeta's son?!?"
"Yeah."
"And who's the mother?"
"You are not going to believe this. Bulma."
(shocked silence. then) "Vegeta.... and Bulma.... did...?"
"Yeah, Eddie."
"Hey, what if Vegeta powered up and then --"
"NO!! NoNONONO! Shut UP! I do NOT want to picture that!"

-Eddie Rollason/me, discussing the soap opera that is Dragon Ball Z
 

"Let's go to Manhattan. I'd like to see the Empire State Building before
I... die?"

-Nathan, during a role-playing session where he was a vampire.
 

"I'm not attached to him! I don't like him that much! I just look at him
like a dog would look at a bone!"
"Well, you know what they say... Sooner or later we're all someone's bitch."

-Deanna Watts/me, possibly the best and worst line I've ever come up with.
 

"I am the very model of a modern minor criminal..."

-something I came up with after the trespassing incident.
 

"I think we got carried away Paul"

-Me to Jennifer's brother Paul after we directed to the Star Wars CD during
their project and made Jennifer's partner lose his place in the narration.
 

"If you were a hot dog, and you were really hungry, would you take a big ol'
bite outta yourself?!"

-Brian Barbre randomly screaming during lunch.
 

"Mark, I need a quote for the yearbook about drama. Say something."
"Uh, drama at Lee is fun and I look forward to doing it for another
four years."
(silence)
"I mean three!"

-me/freshman Mark Shue, during my last second yearbook
assignment.
 

"That project has warped my fragile little mind!"

-Spade, upon completing the {ominous music} term project.
 

"Bells are those annoying things in marching band that go 'bing' on 
the side of the field and make you want to commit hara-kiri."

-me
 

"Oh well....at least you didnt give her a wedding ring or anything...
that would've been worse."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm just saying... at least you two didn't get too involved."
"Hmm... this would be bad time to mention belated birthday
gift, yes..."

-Sarah Kolman/myself, discussing one of my less-than-stellar attempts
to get a girlfriend. (The gift in question was a small ring with her
birthstone in it.)